Learning appreciation

As we age we are the sum of all of our experiences. For most of us there are scars we carry into adulthood that we learn to incorporate into who we are as we move forward, and sometimes it isn't that simple. In the last decade, as each year passes I find that I have gone from feeling uncomfortable in my skin to liking who I am. Finally. What other people think does cause me pause on some level, but not enough to not be who I am now.

The point of this is, that growing up I had a VERY difficult relationship with the 'Rent, and would never have dreamed that she would be living with me, let alone having any type of meaningful resolution to our differences. I made a choice. I could carry all of the meh around and make myself sad, angry, mean, bitter (you get the idea), or I could let it go and make an effort each day to build something from nothing. I don't know if the 'Rent makes the same choices, but I CAN MAKE THEM FOR ME. So each day I get another chance to spend time together and make memories to carry forward when she isn't here anymore. I don't want my lasting thoughts to be anger inspiring and angst ridden. Some folks will never get this chance, I don't want to waste mine. There is a 50/50 chance if could blow up in my face on any given day, but I guess I am an eternal optimist that it is going to be a memory making day vs an anger inducing day.

Last night was such a night, and I am still laughing today and hoping I get more and more times like that. Greedy? Yes, I will admit it. Depending on the day it could change tomorrow, but I am so glad today that I have made that choice. 

Watching TV and somehow the term Bacon Flavored Condom came on the TV. This would cause anyone pause, and even in my 40's it is an awkward moment with your parent to hear on the TV. 

'Rent: "What would you need a bacon flavored condom for?" She sits back grabs both sides of her head and looks at me. "I got nothin." 

I couldn't do anything but laugh like a loon. I love that she just let her thoughts come out and was there in the moment. I hope for as many nights like that as I can get. She can be so funny if she could just BE.

So anyway, so for the round about 'Rent story, but it made me realize that while I am getting older and getting past the Past, I am grateful for the chance I have and learning to appreciate the moments that matter.


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