Showing posts from 2013

Learning appreciation

As we age we are the sum of all of our experiences. For most of us there are scars we carry into adulthood that we learn to incorporate into who we are as we move forward, and sometimes it isn't that simple. In the last decade, as each year passes I find that I have gone from feeling uncomfortable in my skin to liking who I am. Finally. What other people think does cause me pause on some level, but not enough to not be who I am now.

The point of this is, that growing up I had a VERY difficult relationship with the 'Rent, and would never have dreamed that she would be living with me, let alone having any type of meaningful resolution to our differences. I made a choice. I could carry all of the meh around and make myself sad, angry, mean, bitter (you get the idea), or I could let it go and make an effort each day to build something from nothing. I don't know if the 'Rent makes the same choices, but I CAN MAKE THEM FOR ME. So each day I get another chance to spend time t…

Build a Better Mouse Trap?

This is neither Magical Face nor a tale of 'Rent woe. This is how the spouse and I caught and killed a mouse.

Let me preface this by also stating that we have 4 CATS. In spite of the mouse being in the house for what I NOW realize as being a week. A week, of a mouse in MY HOUSE with 4 cats that did nothing but sit and stare at inanimate objects for all of that time. They were on alert but did nothing to let the two legged house inhabitants know that something was not as it should be.

Last Thursday night the cats went from staring at the fridge to staring at the vacuum.
And staring.
And staring.
And staring.
I moved the vacuum and saw nothing amiss. My spouse moved the vacuum and saw nothing amiss. Apparently the spouse is more determined than I am to figure out the feline mind as he moved the vacuum again and low and behold there was the live and scared to immobility, mouse. I will add that the felines have a bad time of losing their catnip mice under furniture that they can't…

In today's installment of WTF

I innocently leave my work area to go get a glass of water.
At the same time a person who also works in the building is also wandering in the building common areas.

We happen to meet in the elevator on the same floor at the same time, post me getting my water.

Me: "How's your day going?'
Co-worker: "I have been on three floors and can't find an open stall."

This would be the time to insert the completely blank staring face combined with the total look of horror.

Seriously. I don't generally discuss bathroom needs with ANYONE let alone a relative stranger.


'Rent Rage, I have it.

The 'Rent has been sick. And before I go any further in this tale, let me state for the record that this entire thing is due to a doctor not doing their due diligence when the patient has C.O.P.D.

We have been back and forth to her doctor for over two months now over all where she has not been feeling "right". The doctor did blood work, a urine test, and "listened" to her lungs and said she sounds clear. Let me be perfectly blunt here, if you are a doctor and have a patient with C.O.P.D. who is on oxygen 24/7, LISTENING to their lungs for anything is POINTLESS. A chest ex-ray is necessary to see if anything is going on in those lungs. And how do I know this you ask? BECAUSE THE CRAZY OLD BAT HAS HAD PNEUMONIA FOR A MONTH AND HER PRIMARY DOCTOR MISSED IT because all he did was LISTEN to her poor lungs. What he DID find was a U.T.I., which took two courses of Antibiotics to get cleared up. Once it was gone she still had blood in her urine so off we go to a Urolog…

The Mood of the Day = Many Hours of Internal Dialog

We are Human. What does that mean to me? The reality is, we are frail little creatures, emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally. However you want to look at it, any and all of those states of being, we are frail at some point in life in that category.
We all crave love, affection, attention, appreciation. The list goes on and on. If you are a person that craves none of those things then I am sorry to tell you but you are missing out. Those “things” when directed at us as a person make life worth living I don’t care who you are. My perspective is that of the kid that was always on the outside looking in. Due to circumstances beyond my control as a child, I never felt normal. I didn’t know how to act normal, speak normal, talk to other children, and it was obvious I didn’t fit in or wasn’t accepted. I was fortunate enough to have a couple of really good friends who could handle the awkward and stuck by me and helped ease the ache of being “not normal”. As an adult I still want t…

Even with an effort to be kinder I have 'Rent Stories......

I joined a gym two weeks ago. I can't afford it, and I am 30 pounds over looking like anyone that actually may benefit from a regular work out, but I am doing it anyway. FOR ME.

So the first night I get home from work approximately one hour later than usual,

I am greeted by the Poor, Pitiful, 'Rent looking at me with tears in her eyes, and quivering lip to be told. "I think I have cancer."
Me, "Really? You went right to cancer? You feel bad for a week so you go right to CANCER?"
'Rent, "Well something is wrong, I can tell I just don't feel right."
Me, "OK so can we go ask the doctor rather than jumping right to CANCER?"
'Rent, "Well I guess so, but I know he is going to tell me it is cancer."

At this point I leave her abode. I really have no words. I know she is now feeling neglected because I dare to take an extra 30 minutes out of my day and do for me rather than come home to sit and stare at her. But CANCER? We l…

What we have here, is a failure to communicate. Literally.

So the 'Rent had a doctor's appointment recently and the spousal unit was kind enough to take her for me to this appointment. It was with her lung doctor, to get a reading on IF and if so HOW BAD her breathing as gotten.

Apparently this involves being put in a chamber without the aid of her Oxygen Concentrator. What is in this chamber is still up for debate, as is the actual testing they did. From the spouse's description I get the feeling the chamber is so that they have an exact reading on the oxygen content in the air she is breathing without the machine, so they can test A) how much O2 her lungs are getting out of regular breathing, and B) how much air her lungs can actually push.

So I called her, and the conversation went like this:

Me, "Hi Mom, how did the doctor's office visit go? What did they say?"
'Rent, "My breathing hasn't really gotten any worse."
Me, "Well that is great news!"
'Rent, "The test was horrible. …

'Rent-ism number UMBILLION

OK, so yes I know I made that word up. But some days there are so many I just lose track. The 'Rent is a very smart woman who we have all underestimated for most of our lives. The main reason being, she blurts out things from time to time that leave you scratching your head trying to play catch up, only to find out you will NEVER get on that same playing field with her.

This week was my 44th birthday, and I got to have dinner with the 'Rent, my sibling and one of the nieces. While at dinner, one of the subjects discussed was music and concerts. I am a HUGE music fan. Probably my second greatest love besides books.

So my niece offers up that The Backstreet Boys will be coming to a local venue soon as we were discussing recent shows and upcoming shows. I was never a big fan but I appreciate the information just the same, and I am the appropriate age where she would think this was someone I would want to see. They were HUGE when we were her age. With that statement the 'Rent…

Of course I jest.. . . . . Or so I hope and assume?

General question... Would you be able to identify the sound of a stainless steel pocket knife being opened and closed over and over? "Snick"... "Thunk", "Snick"...."Thunk", "Snick"...."Thunk". You get the idea right?? This bizarre question will be given reference in the following interlude.

To recap, my reporting structure at my job has changed for the 14th time in 7 years. I am now once again reporting to the person I refer to as "The Serial Killer in Charge" or "Ramirez" as a nod to the infamous serial killer that most people would recognize the name for the reference it is.

I knew this change would bring about interactions, and I was hoping that for the most part they would be innocuous enough. Thus far, they have been. And THEN TODAY HAPPENS.

I don't want to make it sound like I am some amateur sleuth with proof that this person skins people alive, but the vibe is there. There is not one physical q…

Face Magic in ACTION

Me in mega pharmacy store located close to work at 7:15 am.
 I am buying a 12 pack of diet beverage.
All I want to do is check out.

Cashier, "Did you find everything were looking for?"
Me,  "Yes, thanks."
Cashier, "That's good. What day is it?"
Me, "Tuesday?" <insert blank and slightly confused face here>
Cashier, "I had two days off and washed my hair, so I can't wash it for another three days, so by Friday I should be going to JiffyLube to help out with a lube job."
Me, <insert awkward silence where I try to come up with an appropriate response> "Oh. Yeah, I have oily skin so I can understand that."
Cashier, "Your total is <insert value here>."
Me, "Thanks. Have a good day."

Please, personal friends, PLEASE explain to me what the HELL is it about my face that would make someone BLURT THIS OUT to me in the ASS CRACK HOURS of the morning? WHAT? THE? HELL?

Swimming Upstream

Today I figured out what a Salmon feels like. Only I didn't get to spawn once I reached my goal. Of course that is followed by dying so I can deal without that. I consider today a victory because I simply survived. As I have previously indicated I live by the motto of better living through pharmaceuticals. Lately I have felt worse so I am being proactive in eliminating some of said medical assistance and VOILA I am feeling almost back to normal (normal for me). Today was one of those days where I had myself wondering why I would give up the 'make me numb' stuff.

I don't consider myself a stupid woman, although I am sure I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. I think I do OK. For some reason I spent today feeling like I was 'worthless and weak'. I don't like that town, I don't want to live there, and I usually don't wallow in their shallows. Today I was wearing cement shoes in the middle of the river. This stems from madness and mayhem running the s…

Grrrrr, Argh, Blargh Even!

It is with great regret and sadness that I must announce that I am once again reporting to the Serial Killer in Charge, AKA Ramirez. Yee... haaaa. So what if this is boss 16 in 6 going on 7 years? So what if he makes me feel like I am being measured to ensure my skin will fit into his latest creation once tanned? Not to mention that this was SO SUCCESSFUL the last go around.

I sometimes wonder if there is ever any common sense applied to general business decisions. Don't get me wrong, I know there are in smaller companies, or even large companies with someone brilliant at the helm that employ strategies that work. But when you get so large that you play Human Yahtzee with your employees and it keeps coming up with no usable die in the toss...... Perhaps you should try a new approach. Say, I don't know. LOGIC. See what wasn't working and make a choice to try to fix it with a real live conversation with the cogs doing the actual work and see what they have to say. I know mo…

Stepping forward

I recently had a conversation with someone who said, "Just picking up and moving takes a lot of courage." and I agreed. Then I had to stop and think, because that is exactly what I did almost 7 years ago. If I really think about the decision at the time looking back, it didn't require courage at all. Someone I loved was hurting and I had to be where I could support them to the best of my ability, So I didn't see there as being a choice.The spousal unit and I just packed up our entire lives and drove 1,000 miles away from everyone and everything we have ever known and started over. There has been very little in the last 7 years that has been easy. But EVERYTHING in the last 7 years has been worth every second of struggle. And while I often need to medicate due to SOME choices, the over all result has been worth all of the bad choices and struggles combined.

I have had the greatest honor because of that choice, to watch my nieces become some of the most impressive wo…

Hate (the real thing)

1a: intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury
  b: extreme dislike or antipathy :loathing<had a great hate of hard work> So. . . .  Well . . .   I have been trying to wrap my brain around the events in Boston, beyond the fact that it is a horrible tragedy. I am a person that has never really outgrown the WHY stage, much to my dearly departed father's chagrin. I am not going to say I have never uttered the words "I hate.....". I think we have all said that and perhaps even believe we feel that, but until September 11th and now the Boston Marathon, I don't think I understood the full depth of that word. Frankly I still don't. I have never hated another person with so much vehemence as to wish them dead on my own personal behalf. I have wished that they were no longer in my immediate life but never gone from this earth. Because while I may have no desire to be in their presence or deal with their drama, there is someone…

One Day of Sanity is simply too much to ask for

Phone rings at 8:30 Easter Sunday Morning, I see it is the 'Rent.

Me, "Yes ma'am?"
'Rent, "I have shingles."
Me, "What? How do you come by this?"
'Rent, "I have a great deal of pain and burning."
Me, "I'll be right there."

call ends. . .

Enter 'Rent's apartment.

Me, "So where are you having pain?"
'Rent, "All around here." This is said while circling her waist and under brazier line.
Me, "Mom I think the power of suggestion is getting to you."
'Rent, "Well it hurt so bad this morning that I had to take a Neosporin."
<insert blank staring confused as hell face here>
Me, "Do you mean a Naproxin?"
'Rent, "Yes, one of those."
Me, "OK, well do we need to make an appointment with the Doctor in the morning?"
'Rent, "No, we just need to get me the vaccine he told me to get."

So here is where the issue lies. The &#…

'Rent Logic

In moving to the south we have been introduced to a dessert favorite here known as Nanner Puddin, or Banana Pudding for folks who don't speak Southerneze. I have had well made pudding and I have had meh pudding. Sunday I had the best I have ever tasted.

My sibling and her friend came to Sunday dinner. Her friend brought extra Banana Pudding that their parent made as a dessert which was apparently made in bulk. The sheer quantity of pudding was staggering. It was enough dessert for 6 people to have generous helpings, or 8 to have some. I had a spoon full, because of trying to lose weight.

Flash forward to Tuesday night after dinner.

Spouse, "Do you have any banana pudding left?"
'Rent, "In the container on the top shelf."
Spouse looking in the fridge for the large container that came over, "Where?"
'Rent, "The top shelf, the small container to the left."
Spouse pulls out a SMALL container with maybe one serving of pudding left, &qu…

Humorous Epiphany

Spending so much time in one's head does provide some wonderful moments of levity.
It just dawned on me, growing up we are SO horrified about what our 'Rents might do that we are walking talking barrels o' embarrassment. Speaking from personal experience, that doesn't change regardless of their age or ours.
I don't pretend to own any of, or overtly police any of my 'Rent's potential horrific behavior, but I woke up this morning and thought, is she going to get her hair into some semblance of order? Or wear her teeth today? Please don't say anything rude..... PLEASE? And then I laughed for a good three or four minutes, because with the exception of the teeth thought, this could have been the inner dialog of me at 16.
Don't know why, but it really tickled me.. . .I will let you know how it turns out. Chances are 50/50 that any one of the above is going to happen; it is only a matter of when.

Check Out Line Nutritionist

At the grocery store, checking out, two packages of romaine lettuce on the conveyor belt, the lady in front of us has two items, looks at our lettuce and feels the need to comment.

"Ah, romaine, that's the good stuff." in a very mid-western accent.

M'kay. If you say so? Thanks for the tip? Not sure the correct response here. Other than to smile and nod.

Smile and nod is the working response to all Magical Face interactions, just so you know. Because laughing at someone and calling them weird, well that is just rude.

Internal workings of a mind in process.

The premise of this blog has been pretty clearly defined for any dedicated reader. I have two goals. To be able to order the chaos of my life with the 'Rent and express the humor I find in the moments of the slow sad theatre of the morose that is my life. Secondly I blog to spread the word of the strange and bizarre beings that like to drift into my magnetic, if invisible, pull and share a brief flaring light of WTFWT and then move along into their orbit leaving me a nugget of crazy to mull over and share with you.

What I was unprepared for was that recent tales of the 'Rent have made me think of my male 'Rent, a lot. I spent a great deal of time after he passed putting him on a pedestal, and the reality is that he will probably remain there in many ways, but he was more and less than that. He was a man. A man who stayed when I think most men would have left. He put his family above all else, and had more than his fair share of odd duck behavior.

Believe it or not, rememb…

The 'Rent in rare form. . .

For the last several days the 'Rent has been on a tear. I don't mean a, "HAHAHAHAHA, YOU SO FUNNY!" tear. I mean a, "I may trip you as you walk by just because you make me feel mean, and I need a laugh." tear.

When I ask what is wrong I get a standard response. "I'm tired!"

Let us recap, shall we? The 'Rent is retired, and if she was not, she would be on medical disability. So I can see the tired from the COPD. I would imagine feeling like you are trying to breathe under water would make anyone tired. BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT, we also must factor in the compulsive liar gene. Harsh I know, and yet, reality. I mean compulsive because she feels the need to lie and then argue about inane stupidity that makes me want to brain myself or her, or both in no particular order!

She seems to think that we are in some sort of BFF life long competition, constituting of how she will be more miserable and bitchy than I ever can and she must remind me o…

The magic of dreams

For the last week my life has been so amazingly stress free that apparently my brain has decided we need to create drama. In the form of dreams. I have been calling them nightmares but really they are dreams of people that are gone and or have never been.

I am pretty good at letting life roll because really, what choice do we have. We can rage against all of the things that happen that are "unfair" or just roll with the punches, learn the lesson we can from events, and then move on. In all fairness I don't think I know of any one person who has had life just happen along uneventfully for them. If they have, the events of life WILL catch up and I hope for their sake they have a bunker prepared for their own mental well-being. As a second point of fairness, I am not stating that rage isn't a deserved response to these moments either. We are humans and whatever you feel, right or wrong in someone else's eyes, is your emotion to own.

That being said, my subconscious…

Deep thoughts from a shallow pond

I have had a little time on my hands lately, well not really, but my mind works overtime all the time, so my mind turned to the subject of love in all it's forms.

I have often heard the phrase, "We don't pick who we love in life." and I tend to believe it as a rule because we can see evidence of it all around us all the time. Don't read this and say, "What ever do you mean?" I can think of several times where I have been around someone who looks at a couple and says, "Did I miss something? What is so and so doing with such and such?".

My thoughts took me further down that road because for some reason it led me to thinking about friends, family, everyone we come in contact with.

I made this mental journey because let's face it, we all have someone in our lives that we think, "HOW AM I RELATED TO THIS PERSON (WHY AM I SPENDING TIME WITH THIS PERSON)?"
There is no love there, at least you don't think so, you wonder if there i…

From a Distant View Point

Having a three day weekend (even with work being required at some point) I was planning on a ton of nothing, with the obligitory scrubbing of the abode and feeding of the herd of animals thrown in for continuity.

As per usual in my household, Best Laid Plans and all that dreck got shoved to the wayside as the spouse and I were informed by the 'Rent that she had a full grocery list and she expected us to go not only shopping WITH HER, but to the store of her choosing, which is INDEED outside of the convenient driving area.

So we load up the Parade of Spaz and away we drive. We get to the store, and I get the 'Rent her shopping scooter and the spouse gets a cart for himself and takes off for parts unknown to get our shopping done, while I trail the 'Rent getting her taken care of.

We had a total of maybe 20 items. The 'Rent had a full page list, so the spouse made it to the register before me. I had a few items to add to the conveyor so as the 'Rent and I passed I g…

Culture Shock, I has it.

There are some things I will never get used to, being a "DAMN YANKEE" in the deep south. I am in no way passing judgement here, this is just my observation of the things that make me stand out like a sore thumb at times.

- Never having a full winter. Today it is in the 30's. Two days ago it was in the 70's and we had Severe weather alerts for almost 24 hours.

- As such for the Winter, we have very little winter related sports (or large professional teams) in this area. Hockey is a thing of the past for us and the spouse and I miss it.

- Very hard to find a place to eat that does not feature FRIED as part of every main course. They exist but they aren't as readily available as one would think.

- If you are in the South East you better have a favorite SEC team and declare yourself or one shall be chose and assigned to you. Default is going to be the opposite of everyone in the room if you do not voice the same rabid fanaticism that they do.

- A major thing that I…

Face Magic is Catching

The spouse and I went to a book signing just prior to my surgery. Not something we normally do and with the invention of the e-reader this might be the first actual paper book I have purchased in two years. That being said, I would not have missed today's signing for the world as I have great respect or the author. I find that he has the same outlook on life that I do, only about 500 times more brilliant. OK, this is a side note just to explain the outing.

After said signing we met a friend and had lunch before we went to go get some Holiday Decoration shopping done, this was the weekend before my surgery so we were kind of making it a date day AND It was really more of a time waster to avoid the 'Rent. Shopping, not lunch.

Said friend arrives before us and gets a table and a drink. Smart Friend! We arrive and he informs us that apparently our waitress has extreme over-share disease. Wait, I gotta back up. FIRST he tells us he got carded for his beverage, which at our age that…

They always come back

So life without the former Serial Killer In Charge has been pleasant enough.

He left the department, and what I got in exchange for a supervisory person, while lacking, does not inspire me to wonder where the bodies are hidden when we interact.

Today however SKIC was back in the building. And not just in the building, but in a meeting I had to attend, and not just IN THE MEETING, BUT SITS NEXT TO ME.

Everyone looks at him and someone voices, "What are you doing here?"

SKIC: (and I shit you not, this is verbatim) "I have come down from my white castle to wander among the peasants. Or should I say, my self imposed Ivory Tower to hang out with the Dregs."

Me: "Well excuse us. Don't sit to close, I can't promise I don't carry the plague."

Dregs? Defined as follows:
1: sediment contained in a liquid or precipitated from it :lees —usually used in plural 2: the most undesirable part —usually used in plural <the dregs of society> 3: the last re…


I am having one of those moments where I am completely confused with the powers that be at my job. We have to have a translation from English to a second language for something.

I had two years of the second language 20+ years ago in High School. For some reason this apparently qualifies me to be the person that takes the lead on this project.

Seriously? I don't even remember anything beyond the basics. But somehow this makes me the Subject Matter Expert. I can't stop laughing at this. It is just too absurd for words.