I would love to get on your logic train, but it is lacking DOORS....

In moving south, we are living with hundreds and hundreds of little inch long red crunchy centipedes. Yes, centipedes. And we know they are crunchy because we step on them as they wander our house in the dark of night and we get to become intimately acquainted with them, via feet.

In the dark.

On cold floors.

Did I mention they crunch? And they have their own distinctive odor. The sound and feel is a sensory interaction I wish I had never experienced and will simply never forget for all of time. There is nothing else like it, and I don't mean in a good way like I never want to get past it, love to experience it over and over kind of way.

More of a night sweats and showers required post remembering, kind of way.

In all fairness to the centipedes, they were here first. And they don't perpetually cohabitate. The reality is, they come in late spring thru early summer, in droves. They live in the grass and apparently don't like it when it rains because they find their way into every crack and crevice in the house and begin their mindless journey across our floors. If they are caught before they reach whatever their end goal is, they are thrown into the loo for a burial at sea. If they get to the far corner of the room (which is the only location I can guess they are trying to reach,) they apparently give up and curl into little spiral balls and cease to be. They can be sucked up by the vacuum and be done away with.

They are not destructive, They are not a health hazard (other than hebbie jebbies). They are simply a nuisance of epic proportions to hear the spousal unit and 'rent speak of these things.

My evening drive today consisted of, 'Rent: "I must have picked up over a hundred of those damn centipedes today".
me: "Yeah, we seemed to have several today when I first got up as well."
'Rent: "It had to be hundreds, and one of the dogs was laying outside and they were on her. I bet the are getting under the dogs' fur and coming in that way."

This once again, dear reader, is where I do not respond. Because all I can think of is, I can't get on your crazy train, it has no entrance or egress doors, followed by the quick list in my head below:

"1) The dog in question charges anything that moves so I don't think  she would sit by and let centipedes crawl all over her.
2) Even if the dog did get a couple on her, she has very short fur so we would see and remove these objects before letting her back into the house.
3) As the dogs live in my house with the exception of MAYBE two hours a day where you are exposed to them in the evening hours, how did you get HUNDREDS on your kitchen floor as you so eloquently expounded to me on this call? When they were not there when I went to bed last night?
4) You are a crazy old bat!"

The poor dog in question has eye allergies so they leak, a lot. As such she has what look like tear tracks on her face all summer long. Apparently last night, the 'Rent jumped to the conclusion that the dog now had a centipede coming out of her face.

Needless to say I am changing my game plan for the next doctors' visit we make because I think the 'Rent is starting to need some medication.


  1. So what's on tap for the doc? Anti-hallucinogens? Haldol? Whut?

    #1. I LOL'd *HARD* at this one.
    #2. I'd totally be skeev'd by the centipedes (don't they bite?).
    #3. Try to define their unique odor. Plz.

  2. 2) yes they do. These are exceptionally small and as of yet we have not been bitten.
    3) a mixture of dirt and ammonia maybe. And it lingers.

  3. Re: #3: Is it worse than a stink bug?

  4. Not that bad, but not pleasant by any stretch of the imagination.

  5. I know these critters well - it's like walking on a gravel driveway in the middle of your basement floor. I have surmised they die immediately one they realize they are indoors. Some make it further than others - but they just curl and up and die. They don't even give the cats an opportunity to work off some energy.


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