Showing posts from March, 2012

Family Therapy Anyone?

Spent the day helping a friend, so that was the best part of the day. BUT, What day would be complete without a Mom moment?

Our house if full of furry critters, both big and small. Since we were out for the whole day, the big furry beasts were restricted to their crates, so when we got home it is a free for all of food, restroom visits to the great outdoors and rough housing to burn off excess energy. All of THESE actions are handled by the spouse because I am obligated to visit with the parental unit we have neglected all day (poor parental unit, insert pout-y face here).

While rough housing with the big beasts (and by big I mean 100+ lb dogs) the spouse was on hands and knees stalking the Big Chicken Dog. Because of said stalking, Big Chicken Dog is barking as if we are in the middle of a full on invasion of aliens coming to kill us all. I am in the parental units house trying to visit with her neglected self and becoming annoyed with BCD's frantic barking, having no idea that t…

A Simple trip to the Doctor

So when you have to go for blood work in the morning, you may not consume anything. Lack of Coffee + Lack of Xanax to keep your hands from choking the parental unit + stress at work = I may kill someone this AM and not even think twice.

We start this journey through my own personal hell with me starting the car and waiting for the arrival of the parent, who comes rolling up in her electric chair with her O2 concentrator on her lap. She is gasping like a little goldfish someone tossed on the sand. The gasping was caused by one of the pets? I am not sure how but that is the explanation I got.

The O2 Concentrators, a lovely little mobility freeing contraptions come with a shoulder strap, a hand strap to carry like a briefcase OR a luggage pulling cart.
This trip will entail going from the HOUSE to the CAR, from the CAR to the OFFICE, into a ROOM, BACK to the CAR and HOME.
Since I AM her personal step and fetch, she feels the need to allow me to follow her with this machine. One would …

You just never know what is gonna happen next.. . . .

So I am sitting at my desk working through another fantastic Monday, we ALL LOVE MONDAY. My day started at the ass crack of half past midnight. My spouse works nights and woke me up when he came to bed at 1:30 AM (unintentionally) and IN SPITE OF the sleep aid I take which ENSURES I will sleep 8 hours, I got 3.5. Somehow my sleep aid played a part in the following. . . .

Me: Hello.
Caller: Hi There. I am looking at blah blah blah. How are you by the way?
Me: Fine. Amazingly I have been up since 1:30 even though I take (insert sleep aid of choice here) and somehow I am not tired.
Caller: That little bit of sleep? Well that explains a lot about you.
Me: Hahahahaha. Yes, yes it does. (in my head, DUMB ASS)

And this folks is where the conversation goes HORRIBLY WRONG with no assistance from me. . .
Caller: Hey, I went to the doctor last week and he told me that all that allergy medication we take and even the stuff in (insert sleep aid of choice here (please note, sleep aid does not conta…


So I am standing in XXX drug store to get a prescription, and a woman/girl (not really sure of the age as she was small of stature and smooth of skin, but old of aura if that makes sense) walks up to the counter near me. As she walks by me, she feels the need to share with me, "I had perfume on my hands and just rubbed my eyes."

B L A N K - F A C E

What runs through my head is "I have not made eye contact with you, no one else is standing around here, and if you are really stupid enough to have done this, you could have lied and said it was ALLERGIES since the groundhog lied and we are IN SPRING." Of course I did not say this, I said, "Oh. Well that has to hurt."

The pharmacy tech asks me my name, I state it, SHE responds with, "That is a pretty name, I ain't never heard that before." So I feel compelled to defend my name, being as it is rather different, by saying, "I was named after my grandmother, she was from Europe." Apparentl…

Face plant to desk anyone?

me sitting at my desk..... phone rings:
Me: "Hi Mom."
Mom: "Hi, I was just checking on you. How did you sleep."
Me: "I didn't really."
Mom: "Don't worry, neither did I."
Me: "Oh, well try to rest. I will call you when I am on my way home."

Hang up phone, face plant on desk. Actually what happened was this.....
Me to my friend: "Really? And you have so much to do? You had to work this morning? OH! THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T WORK. So you have to clean your house? OH! THAT'S RIGHT, I CLEAN YOUR HOUSE FOR YOU!" said to my friend so as not to blurt this into the phone before hanging up so as not to add to the Ball O' Suck.

In all fairness, the pet we put to sleep was more of a companion to my mother than any other pet, but HOLY CRAP. REALLY?

Skip the FACE, we are going full on RANT

My friends that know me can tell you, for all of my laughing at life, I wear my emotions for all to see, I would love to be a better mirror to others as opposed to my soul. Not happening at this point. So yesterday the spouse and I had to make the horrible decision to put one of our pets to sleep. It was the right thing to do, but it sucks beyond words. There will always be a little voice asking if it was the right thing to do? So needless to say my state of mind this morning? A wee on the Agitated side, if we had to classify it.

I am from the North East originally, and I have the classical case of Road Rage most days. This morning? Oh I could have run someone over and never looked back.

Incident A) The first Asshat I encountered this AM was stopped at a stop sign. Following my morning route, I need to turn left onto the road he was sitting on. FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON, BALD FAT BASTARD thinks because the truck in FRONT of him had enough time to get out onto the highway before I got t…

Girding my Loins for Battle. . . .

So, I get her back on this glorious day. Last night I got the comment, "I can't wait to be home in my own space, where if I have to be alone, at least it is my home, and at least I have you to talk to." AH HA! What this actually translates to in Mom-speak is, "I can't wait to get back to my personal step and fetch whom I use the Mom-Mind-meld-Guilt-trip-grip on to make sure you spend every spare second of your life with me, because you are my single source of entertainment. BECAUSE I LIKE IT THAT WAY."
This is not a good thing. Just for the record. I know it sounds like I don't love my mom, which could not be further from the truth, but try to think of it this way.  . .  When someone makes you their single source of focus for all things including companionship and entertainment, that someone is usually your PARTNER, NOT YOUR FREAKING PARENT. And I know she is lonely but HOLY CRAP.

Most of the time I don't even mind, but for the last couple of month…

The boring between the WTF moments

As of late, miraculously, my life has been quite boring. Truth be told, I LOVE IT. I live for boring, since most of the time I have drama from all areas of my world. Boring is a relative term, being as I am fighting allergies (in winter that has 80 degree days) that like to sit in my head and beat on my brain. That aside, all has been quiet and quiet is damn good.

I found out Serial Killer Boss is going away for a business trip abroad for an extended period of time. He shall henceforth be known as Ramirez (short and effective). When wishing him a safe trip, yes I know, seems rather out of character based on prior rant - but that is how I roll, I got back "Let me know if I can pick anything up for you while I am there." Um. OK?(yep, you guessed it, insert blank expression here). Thanks, but no thanks, I prefer to purchase my own mementos of travels. I'm sorry, but did I miss a bonding moment that I was unaware of, that you would pick up trinkets for me? There is a bright…