Assumptions and misunderstandings
I am not a "celebrity" and I don't claim to have all of the answers, but I have battled depression for as long as I can remember. I know it is something we don't "Talk" about. We don't share. We must hide it and pretend that everything is OK and that we don't need help just BEING. At least, that was how I was raised. We can't ask for help, we shouldn't have to take some form of a chemical to help us cope, and if we do, we are vilified.
The reality is that 'mental illness' is not something to be ashamed of and I refuse to hide it. I am not "crazy", and I am not dangerous. I don't have thoughts of harming others. My emotions are more than I can manage sometimes, and I have "the mean reds". *movie reference that should be resolved on your own. I require medication to help me maintain BALANCE. I am not numb, I am PRESENT, I just need to be able to be present and not want to cry or hide or just turn away from the world. I require something to keep the thoughts in my head of my inadequacies, my Negative Talk that runs on a loop, at bay and keep me social. I refuse to be ashamed of this. I refuse to hide it. If that means that someone finds me weak, they have no idea what I have been through or how hard some things are in my life, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. My problems have been no greater or smaller than anyone else, but that doesn't mean that my mind has processed them the same as other people. If that offends someone, they don't need to be in my life. I have faith. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that doesn't mean that I am going to let someone else steer my life.
I lost my cousin to depression. I will never recover from that because while that crushes my soul, there is a part of my emotional self that gets it. Sometimes it isn't easy to reach out a hand and ask for help when you feel like it will be slapped away. And most of the time you know your thinking isn't "normal" for everyone else but you don't know how to express it in a way someone can understand your perspective and help. So you suffer and struggle and finally, you can't do it anymore. I wish with all I am that I could have done something to make that choice different. The reality is that I will never know, I never got the chance. It is also the reality that it most like would not have made a damn bit of difference.
I am not looking for "I am so sorry" or "I wish I could help". I am asking people to stop making assumptions about things that they have no way of knowing about. Kindness costs you nothing. Just be a decent person. You don't have to fix anything for anyone else. We all have to glue ourselves back together every time we break. I am asking you to just listen. That is all, just listen.
The reality is that 'mental illness' is not something to be ashamed of and I refuse to hide it. I am not "crazy", and I am not dangerous. I don't have thoughts of harming others. My emotions are more than I can manage sometimes, and I have "the mean reds". *movie reference that should be resolved on your own. I require medication to help me maintain BALANCE. I am not numb, I am PRESENT, I just need to be able to be present and not want to cry or hide or just turn away from the world. I require something to keep the thoughts in my head of my inadequacies, my Negative Talk that runs on a loop, at bay and keep me social. I refuse to be ashamed of this. I refuse to hide it. If that means that someone finds me weak, they have no idea what I have been through or how hard some things are in my life, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. My problems have been no greater or smaller than anyone else, but that doesn't mean that my mind has processed them the same as other people. If that offends someone, they don't need to be in my life. I have faith. I believe that everything happens for a reason, that doesn't mean that I am going to let someone else steer my life.
I lost my cousin to depression. I will never recover from that because while that crushes my soul, there is a part of my emotional self that gets it. Sometimes it isn't easy to reach out a hand and ask for help when you feel like it will be slapped away. And most of the time you know your thinking isn't "normal" for everyone else but you don't know how to express it in a way someone can understand your perspective and help. So you suffer and struggle and finally, you can't do it anymore. I wish with all I am that I could have done something to make that choice different. The reality is that I will never know, I never got the chance. It is also the reality that it most like would not have made a damn bit of difference.
I am not looking for "I am so sorry" or "I wish I could help". I am asking people to stop making assumptions about things that they have no way of knowing about. Kindness costs you nothing. Just be a decent person. You don't have to fix anything for anyone else. We all have to glue ourselves back together every time we break. I am asking you to just listen. That is all, just listen.
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