How not to maim a 'Rent-In-Law..

This all should really have come before the Congress post, but, well, Congress was in session, so forming coherent thought was not really an option until I got all of the various parties settled for the time being.

I need to start this whole 'Rent-In-Law story by setting the scene, so you can fully comprehend where my brain and emotions were prior to the Unexpected, Unannounced visit.

Let me preface this preface with the 'Rent-In-Law, having been here at Thanksgiving stated in no uncertain terms, that we were EXPLICITLY not to send an invitation to him for our niece's wedding because it would not be used, no way no how.

The Spousal Unit and I have an early May anniversary. As I may have mentioned previously we work on opposite shifts so we see each other, quite literally, less than 24 waking hours in a whole week. The anniversary fell on a weeknight, and so I was not really going to see him with the exception of the hour that he gets up and gets ready for work. I got home that evening and had dinner with the 'Rent and wasn't feeling very well so I went to bed early (like 7 PM early). Right about the time the Spousal Unit was getting up for work, I happened to roll onto my left side and scream out in pain in my sleep. I have a rather high tolerance for pain, therefore, me screaming out in pain caused some panic. So I got to spend my Anniversary with the spouse after all. It may have been in the ER, but we were together. I learned that evening that I have Diverticulitis, as do 75% of adults over the age of 40 (in case you were wondering). Most people don't even realize it and go about their lives never having issues. Yours truly, not so much. I got my medicine and got back to my life as we were now heading into "Ramp Up" mode for my niece's wedding. I was not feeling 100%, but I figured it would take time. I go through the entire 10-day protocol but don't see any real improvement. In fact, I seemed to get sicker and we are now 10 days closer to the wedding. I get to my primary Doctor, only to find out that the ER doctor didn't give me the proper Medication protocol so not only am I was not getting better but actually got worse. My primary wanted to put me in the hospital for IV Antibiotics, to which I said... No. I simply didn't have time, so we compromised. He provided me the correct protocol, I would work from home so as to minimize my activity and work stress. I got to eat a bland, mushy, unappealing diet for a couple (several) weeks, up to and including the Wedding Festivities.

So there I was, sitting on my sofa working from home, wedding now 11 days from GO and running a fever.
A) Cranky because I HATE being sick and restricted.
B) I am not tooting my own horn because I sure as hell don't think I am all that, but I am kind of important in my position at work simply because there isn't anyone else that knows what I do daily, so any days outside of vacation for the wedding being MIA would just make my workload that much worse.
C) I have the 'Rent limitations that I need to come up with a good working strategy for to get her to and fro from events and the crazy that comes with the 'Rent Antics I knew would ensue.

And then the following happens.

There is a knock on the door and I open it to the 'Rent-In-Law who has arrived a week before the wedding to visit with us. This is not an around the corner visit, this is a 1,000-mile SURPRISE. This would be the same 'Rent-In-Law that vehemently stated REPEATEDLY that they would NOT be coming to the wedding, not to send an invite and they will not be there.

A week out from the wedding.... I am sick.

In addition to this fantastically unexpected guest, the 'Rent has extended the offering of our home to other folks as well.

On the best day, the 'Rent-In-Law operates under the misconception that I was dropped on my head as a child. Not me specifically, but rather anyone other than himself. Especially if you are of the female persuasion. On a bad day, he frequently opens his mouth and stupid falls out. He fails to recognize:
B) I am a full grown woman that not only doesn't need but really doesn't appreciate his observations about everything he perceives I am doing wrong. Hey, Asshat being a guest in someone's home means shutting yer yap and smiling.
C) We, and by we I mean he, consumed and an inordinate amount of alcohol, I am not a fan.

I could write a novel on the varied and colorful offenses, but I will just share the standout highlights.

We had an extra comforter laying on his bed since we have a large house for two adults and the Spousal Unit is a hoarder, which I removed and it was tucked away prior to the unannounced visit. He made a point of asking me, upon his arrival, if his bedroom was prepared for him. There was nothing in his "room" other than the expected when he arrived so he was just being rather DICKISH.

Having the 'Rent make meatloaf for dinner (the 'Rent barely able to function due to COPD) and tell her after you eat that the "Meatloaf was almost as good as mine."

When I referenced mass consumption of Alchohol I meant MASS. Like several cases of beer in two weeks, by himself. This does not include the wine and or assorted mixed beverages.

Our washing machine that was GIVEN to us when we moved in, that we have been nursing along for almost 9 years gave up the ghost while he was in residence. We ordered the transmission for the machine, the Spousal Unit executed the fix, but for some reason "I" needed to be schooled in how to load the washing machine because "I" broke it. The Spousal Unit tried to warn him to keep his mouth shut since I did not break the machine so much as it was just OLD, Undeterred, he felt the need to educate me when I arrived home about my inability to load a washing machine properly. He was met with, "I think you need to shut up, since you don't pay my bills, you get no say in how my house runs. And B) the machine was old and the part has been dying for approximately 6 years, so I am pretty sure I didn't kill it."

He was here for TWO WEEKS. Two weeks..... of constant condescension and superiority, dancing away on my last frayed nerve. You can imagine the joy with which I sent him off to the airport on his way home.......

With all of the above Asshatery, and more, I still managed to not harm him in any way. Yay me!


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