The 'Rent in rare form. . .

For the last several days the 'Rent has been on a tear. I don't mean a, "HAHAHAHAHA, YOU SO FUNNY!" tear. I mean a, "I may trip you as you walk by just because you make me feel mean, and I need a laugh." tear.

When I ask what is wrong I get a standard response. "I'm tired!"

Let us recap, shall we? The 'Rent is retired, and if she was not, she would be on medical disability. So I can see the tired from the COPD. I would imagine feeling like you are trying to breathe under water would make anyone tired. BUT, and this is a HUGE BUT, we also must factor in the compulsive liar gene. Harsh I know, and yet, reality. I mean compulsive because she feels the need to lie and then argue about inane stupidity that makes me want to brain myself or her, or both in no particular order!

She seems to think that we are in some sort of BFF life long competition, constituting of how she will be more miserable and bitchy than I ever can and she must remind me of this Every. Single. Chance. She. Can.


If I say I am tired because I woke up early, I get told she was up at 5 AM. The time keeps creeping slowly backwards to the point where I assume I will be told she never sleeps. I could give a flying rat's ass less if, and when she sleeps. SHE IS OLD AND ILL. SLEEP 24/7, I DON'T CARE. Nope. She NEVER SLEEPS according to her.

Funny thing is, in the last 5 days alone I have been over there and she has been sound asleep on her couch and then calls me to tell me she was resting her eyes during commercial because she got lotion in them, or some other inane lie that makes me want to let her know I KNOW SHE IS A CRAZY OLD BAT!

Because, really, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? BESIDES INSANE. I didn't ACCUSE her of sleeping, I stated the fact that I SAW HER SLEEPING with my own two eyes and even called her name. But she must be RIGHT and so she will tell me flat out that I am wrong. I no longer fight back because I just don't need the hassle. I would say she is developing mental issues, but as my sibling reminded me, she has been this way my whole life, SO HOW COULD WE TELL.

Yesterday I got to do the Parade Of Spaz to dental and doctor appointments. When we got to the first office, after sitting for a whopping 5 minutes, she got her "I am QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE" face on.

'Rent: "What time is it?"
Me: "1:05. Don't even make that face. STOP IT."
'Rent: "What? I wasn't going to say anything."
Me: "I could see it in your face. Don't tell me you weren't going to say anything."
'Rent: (starts evil laugh) "I wasn't."
Me: "I have 43 years of personal experience to know you were getting ready to unleash the inner bitch, so you can just stop."
'Rent: "Well I told them I had another appointment so they needed to get me into the office as soon as I got here,."
Me: "And they will get to you when they get to you, or we can leave and you will have to come back. It isn't the end of the world."

Let me interject here to explain this dental visit. The 'Rent got dentures about, I don't know, 5 years ago maybe? And while the dentures have never fit properly we did NOT go back. And when we DO go back because we hardly every use the dentures so they don't really fit at ALL anymore, we are going to be rude and abusive to anyone and everyone since WE ARE ENTITLED because our teeth don't fit. This would be the fourth visit back and my one and only. Once was enough.

The next thing I know I am looking at her, and she is DIGGING in her ear with her FINGER NAIL and then pulls it out and looks at it.
<INSERT BLANK STARRING HORRIFIED FACE HERE>

'Rent: "What?"
Me: "What are you DOING?"
'Rent: "What? I cleaned my ears today."
Me: "So WHY ARE YOU DIGGING IN YOUR EAR? Why don't you just pick your nose and examine it?"
'Rent: "That would be disgusting."
Me: <with eyebrows raised> "As opposed to?"

So she finally got into the office, toofers got fixed for the moment until she finds something else to complain about and we even made it to her next appointment with 2 minutes to spare.

All in all it was an expected day. Nothing I wasn't prepared for, or so I like to think, but I am guessing I am good and delusional that way.


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