Girding my Loins for Battle. . . .
So, I get her back on this glorious day. Last night I got the comment, "I can't wait to be home in my own space, where if I have to be alone, at least it is my home, and at least I have you to talk to." AH HA! What this actually translates to in Mom-speak is, "I can't wait to get back to my personal step and fetch whom I use the Mom-Mind-meld-Guilt-trip-grip on to make sure you spend every spare second of your life with me, because you are my single source of entertainment. BECAUSE I LIKE IT THAT WAY."
This is not a good thing. Just for the record. I know it sounds like I don't love my mom, which could not be further from the truth, but try to think of it this way. . . When someone makes you their single source of focus for all things including companionship and entertainment, that someone is usually your PARTNER, NOT YOUR FREAKING PARENT. And I know she is lonely but HOLY CRAP.
Most of the time I don't even mind, but for the last couple of months, when I get home I like to mentally shut down for the day. Usually because the day has been one big ball o' suck. I was getting away with "Random sounds of affirmation", but those are now a fail. If I look at my cell phone because maybe my SPOUSE WHO WORKS NIGHTS contacts me, I get, "Who are you texting with now??????" even if I have not touched the phone all night. HOW DARE I WANT TO SPEAK WITH THE PERSON WHO SHARES MY BED SPACE. In all fairness she has not had an easy life and I know she is lonely and bored, but please see my previous post. I was not aware that having her live with us would entail that I was "Julie" from The Love Boat, tasked with ensuring she is kept happy and engaged when I have a moment not claimed by my job. Let us add to this joyous miasma that she is not in the best of physical conditions, she has COPD pretty bad, so she is tethered to her oxygen source at all times. Obviously this makes her tire more easily, so the simple things are monumental feats of achievement and ALL ELSE I am to and fetch and scurry for her. When you are in the mood to mentally disengage you can't. I don't have children, but I sure as hell have a CHILD of 74.
Alrighty, I just let myself rant for two paragraphs, so the point of my post was, I am attempting to mentally prepare myself for the reintroduction of the full time care of her. Mind you she is still mobile, but when she gets home, you would NEVER KNOW IT. So I am taking my own advice of better living through pharmaceuticals, and hope that I don't get snappy with her, because a Ball O' Suck at work and at home? Not so much. And snappy = ball o' suck. BIG BALL O' SUCK.
This is not a good thing. Just for the record. I know it sounds like I don't love my mom, which could not be further from the truth, but try to think of it this way. . . When someone makes you their single source of focus for all things including companionship and entertainment, that someone is usually your PARTNER, NOT YOUR FREAKING PARENT. And I know she is lonely but HOLY CRAP.
Most of the time I don't even mind, but for the last couple of months, when I get home I like to mentally shut down for the day. Usually because the day has been one big ball o' suck. I was getting away with "Random sounds of affirmation", but those are now a fail. If I look at my cell phone because maybe my SPOUSE WHO WORKS NIGHTS contacts me, I get, "Who are you texting with now??????" even if I have not touched the phone all night. HOW DARE I WANT TO SPEAK WITH THE PERSON WHO SHARES MY BED SPACE. In all fairness she has not had an easy life and I know she is lonely and bored, but please see my previous post. I was not aware that having her live with us would entail that I was "Julie" from The Love Boat, tasked with ensuring she is kept happy and engaged when I have a moment not claimed by my job. Let us add to this joyous miasma that she is not in the best of physical conditions, she has COPD pretty bad, so she is tethered to her oxygen source at all times. Obviously this makes her tire more easily, so the simple things are monumental feats of achievement and ALL ELSE I am to and fetch and scurry for her. When you are in the mood to mentally disengage you can't. I don't have children, but I sure as hell have a CHILD of 74.
Alrighty, I just let myself rant for two paragraphs, so the point of my post was, I am attempting to mentally prepare myself for the reintroduction of the full time care of her. Mind you she is still mobile, but when she gets home, you would NEVER KNOW IT. So I am taking my own advice of better living through pharmaceuticals, and hope that I don't get snappy with her, because a Ball O' Suck at work and at home? Not so much. And snappy = ball o' suck. BIG BALL O' SUCK.
It's worth a call or email to your county library system to see if they have a volunteer program, which provides books to shut ins. I did this for my mom (despite my sister living nearby and providing the bulk of her step and fetching). The added and unexpected bonus here was, the social interaction that takes place between the volunteer and mom. She gets fresh reading material, plus someone with whom to socialize. I know the Methodist Church has an outreach program, too. But I'd have to strongly recommend checking with the library first. It really paid off, at least for my mom!
ReplyDeleteAnd I get it... the stoicism... and the girding of the loins. I totally get it!
PS: Here's hoping that your "re-entry" doesn't cause the space ship to burst into flames, and that today is about as peaceful as can be, given the circumstances!
ReplyDelete