Swimming Upstream

Today I figured out what a Salmon feels like. Only I didn't get to spawn once I reached my goal. Of course that is followed by dying so I can deal without that. I consider today a victory because I simply survived. As I have previously indicated I live by the motto of better living through pharmaceuticals. Lately I have felt worse so I am being proactive in eliminating some of said medical assistance and VOILA I am feeling almost back to normal (normal for me). Today was one of those days where I had myself wondering why I would give up the 'make me numb' stuff.

I don't consider myself a stupid woman, although I am sure I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. I think I do OK. For some reason I spent today feeling like I was 'worthless and weak'. I don't like that town, I don't want to live there, and I usually don't wallow in their shallows. Today I was wearing cement shoes in the middle of the river. This stems from madness and mayhem running the show....

Let's face facts people, I am first and foremost an artist. This means I should be illogical, flighty, silly. I am sure you get the idea. Nowhere in any description of me, should the word logical be used. HOWEVER the reality of me is that it IS my governing thought process. Chaos is my enemy and shall be engaged accordingly and if I cannot prevail I feel like a failure in everything. Without giving details, my current employment situation is absolute chaos. My daily life is running from fire to fire trying to put them all out and at the same time keeping everyone that asks me for updates, informed and happy with my answer. AND while doing all of that I am expected to account for ever SECOND of my day. I am very tempted to log time as, "10 minutes: took a pee, wiped, washed hands, fixed hair." I don't think they would like it but it would be mildly satisfying to horrify someone somewhere.

My ire comes from seeing the value of myself and several *cough* most *cough* people I know being devalued as a commodity. Never underestimate the value of the person helping you, because quite frankly they probably have more to offer than you would ever guess or be able to offer on your own.

OK, Rant over, off the soap box, nothing to see here, carry on.


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