I get rid of the freaky serial killer and get stuck with a Jack Wagon of EPIC MAGNITUDE.
How are we a Wagon? Let me count the ways.
A) We like to inform everyone else about what a poor job EVERYONE before us has done, even if the everyone else WAS the persons performing said job.
B) No matter the process, WE HAVE A BETTER WAY TO DO IT EVEN IF IT TAKES 5Xs longer.
C) If you ask me for a time estimate, I shall ensure you fall asleep with my long ass explanation before ever actually getting to a point.
D) We are married to someone who is at least 15 years our junior and 5 hotness points above my 2, and everyone at the cube-farm just scratches their head.
E) We are not big on personal hygiene.
F) Our office is kind enough to let us wear FLIP FLOPS (yes you read that right) since we live on the Earthly Plane of hell and I like to take my shoes off at my desk for no reason.
I am sure there is more I am forgetting, but Those would be the top half dozen reasons right there.
I have seen how the world ends, and it is in the form of 4 innocent, free, Chicken Nuggets.
Obviously not in the literal sense, but had you been in my vehicle with me this past weekend with the 'Rent who was the lucky recipient of said Nuggets? Let us just say, the existential angst that these FREE nuggets caused, I really have no words for the trauma.
We got our hairs did on Sunday and on the way home we stopped at (insert name of fast food chain) who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent.
The order was placed.
The beverages were passed into the car (this was not without great confusion and trauma on the part of the server).
The 'Rent struggled with the straw wrappers so I had to help with that task. Not sure what was up with that.
My sibling had called during our hair doings, so I made the attempt to call her back. Note, this whole time she is on the speaker in the car, but the following happens because really, why would you let me conduct a full call?
Don't you wish you could rewind time for just a moment? Go back to the age where a temper tantrum would get you banished from a group or to your room for a moment of peace? Well you still can, but technically as an adult that is called being an asshole, and generally you lose more than some time. You lose respect, dignity and if you are lucky, not all of your friends.
I have to admit lately, not that anyone has said or done anything to deserve it, but I really feel like being an asshole and driving everyone away. I feel a rage building inside that I am not sure I can explain.
Nah, that's not true, I can explain it. It just sounds like I have been an asshole my whole life, at least the version in my head versus who I am today based on the circumstances of my life such as they are now. And taking that into consideration and explaining it makes me sound like a selfish whiny shit.
If you have read even one thing I have written about the 'Rent, then you know that at the mos…