Fun house Mirror Kind of Day

The great day of reckoning has come. Apparently once you hit 40+ all things begin the inevitable slide to decrepit disrepair and missing parts, not unlike every board game you play as a child.

Isn't it bad enough when you look in the mirror every morning and think, "WHO THE HELL GOT BEHIND MY MIRROR? I don't know who that woman is, and why does she look so old?" For some unknown reason in my mental image of me, I am stuck at about 23. And LORD DO I WISH I WAS STUCK AT 23, mostly because Gravity Works. Everything is going South. Not funny in any way shape or form. Droopy is not a look, it is a state of being, and it is not a good state either. Poor Dental plan, all of the signs are fuzzy and faded, just not a good vacation destination. That's all I am sayin'.

The most recent joy I am getting to experience is the inability to read certain fonts that fall below my new normal, anything smaller than say 10 pt Font, I am screwed. So I broke down and had to by "readers". I need the lowest level of +1.00 which seem strong now, but my doctor kindly informed me that they will progress up the strength scale, "Don't you worry.". Trust me, worry would be the last emotion I might have on that score. Fear. Dread. Depression. Frustration. YES. Worry? Nope.

So is this what we have to look forward to? Going to a store and hearing, "Is that all for you today Ma'am?" and looking around trying to see who they are speaking to. Oh, it was me. Great. I hit Ma'am status. I didn't quite have enough to celebrate today what with all the random aches and pains my body is providing, now you are telling me I am older than Miss. Well SCREW YOU TOO!

I strive to be one of those women who age gracefully and take it all in stride. For the most part, I really haven't been that upset about the decline. I am not thrilled that my nipples are starting their downward decent to point towards the floor, or that the boobs in general are half way to the waist. I wasn't happy that I have acne AND the start of wrinkles around my eyes, but it is all part of the process of aging in general, and it DOES beat the alternative. But for some reason, this whole glasses thing, NOT DIGGIN' IT! Mostly because you put them on, and you suddenly realize how poorly you HAVE been seeing stuff that used to be routine. Secondly, if you take them off and don't close your eyes, you feel like you are walking through the Fun house Mirror place at a fair. "Crap, how long till I can walk a straight line again." If I wanted to trip and make an ass of myself, I would prefer to do that in my own living space thanks.

I can't wait to see what the next event brings. Maybe a new hip or something equally as fun. WOOT!


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