A Moment of 'Rent

I will preface this by saying that I was indeed in a lousy mood yesterday afternoon. The 'Rent and I had hair appointments last night. In case I haven't made this clear, I am not allowed alone time. If there is a function that requires an appointment, I am REQUIRED to ensure that she and I can go to the appointments at the same time. Translation for those of you playing along at home: "It will save a trip (Screw your sanity)". I also need to point out that the hair appointment was at 6:30 PM and her ass was dressed and ready to go at 11:00 AM and "Where are we going for dinner afterwards?"

So once my daily function of work was completed I go to gather the 'Rent up for the journey. She has to gather her gear, this being her Oxygen concentrator (that through charging too much no longer holds a charge for more than 3 hours (it is supposed to last 8) her purse, the luggage cart for the concentrator and the car charger for the concentrator. She hops on her motorized chair to go outside, and I get to gather up all of the other CRAP to carry out to the car like a demented, angry PACK MULE.

As she is making an attempt to escape the boundaries of her house, for some reason the chair will not go over the door threshold (we insist that is not the case but that the ramp we made is warped and that is her problem) as I watch the wheels spin on the carpet like wet clay, I tell her to back up and try again, assuming with a small running start we can breach the door jam and get onto the ramp. Oh no, We SET THE CHAIR TO HIGH SPEED to get out the door.  We don't just get over the lip of the door frame, We EJECT OURSELVES OUT THE DOOR at an angle mind you, DOWN THE RAMP AND RAM INTO TWO INNOCENT PLANTERS WHO GET TOTALLY WIPED OUT. I have to TELL HER to stop moving, because for some reason she is still engaged in forward propulsion. I get around to the front of the chair thinking she probably has some mangled foliage under her wheels at this time. She has the foot rest up, and has taken out the planters with her talon like feet. Thank the powers that be, she still has all her toes and claws (I mean nails) as the planters were fiberglass. I ask if she is OK, and she is mad at me because she said I WAS RUSHING HER.

I might have been rude, but I never once said hurry up, and I only told her to back up to get over the edge of the door. NOT LAUNCH FOR OUTER SPACE.

We get to the salon and as usual, I get the hairy eyeball the entire time because I AM GETTING MY HAIR COLORED AND IT TAKES TOO LONG. Hey 'Rent, get your own damn appointment time not tied to mine and leave me in peace before we both regret it. They have head shavers in salons you know..... Just sayin......


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