Vanity thy name is DUMB ASS

I have been making an effort lately to be more girly. Mostly for me and my less than feminine side, but also for my long suffering spouse. My favorite attire for as long as I can remember has been jeans and t-shirts or over sized men's dress shirts. Needless to say my spouse would like me to ONCE IN A WHILE make an effort to look like a girl.

So I have been getting my hairs did, my nails did, and I now wear make-up every day. This is a HUGE concession since for the first 35 years or so, make-up was the exception, not the rule. I don't do as much on the weekends but I still do wear some. Which is only fair considering he only sees me on the weekends technically.
I have been wearing jewelry. Not just jewelry but big blingy things. It is almost like I finally decided to play dress up (which I didn't really do as a child) but now I have the means to put some sparkly costume dress up stuff on and I can go out in public, like an adult show and tell. I probably fall into the "chubby" category, which I own by the way, but I try very hard to dress size appropriate. I have certain assets that I try to accentuate to draw the eye one way or the other. I am good at the camouflage, but I also am not overly conscious of my appearance mostly because what you see is what you get. And now what you get is Frou Frou'd up.

So in my mad mania of dress up, I got a wild hair to see what I would look like with different colored eyes. I am of Slavic descent and pretty much, dark eyes are the norm. I also have astigmatic eyes so colored contacts are not so easy to come by. So I, in my infinite brilliance, find a website that sells colored plain old non prescription lenses. I am not going to WEAR them, I just want to try them on to see what I might look like.

So I do.

And it is creepy. So much so that it kind of freaks me out a little. Well OK, A LOT. When you spend 43 years looking at big brown doe eyes and suddenly you have light blue/grey eyes, it goes from wow to MAKE THAT STOP  really fast.

AND IN MY STUNNING BRILLIANCE, I have since learned that these contacts are cheap for a reason, they are probably dangerous.

I put them in yesterday to take a picture and send a friend, this would be try on number 3 for the 5 minutes I can stand non prescription lack of focus freakishness, so you would think, 15 minutes of wear no big deal. I have been very careful after the two previous wears to ensure I take them out, clean them, and store them in the appropriate solution.

Oh no, it was indeed A HUGE DEAL. About a minute into wearing them yesterday I started to notice some discomfort in my eyes. Nothing to worry about, or so I think.
I attempt to take a photo.
Adjust camera settings on phone.
Fourth try and I get a photo, and now my eyes are BURNING. Fail or not, this photo will have to do, because now my nose is running since my eyes are watering so much.
I remove the lenses as quickly as humanly possible, wash my face and the glasses it is.

I spend the rest of the night with some slight discomfort, but nothing to complain about and go to sleep, still not thinking anything of it. I wake up with my eyes swollen like I have been crying for HOURS. You know that puffy, red eyelid look that is SO SEXY.

The moral of the story kids?

Don't be a dumb ass, nothing like that is worth harming yourself. Sometimes my own stupidity astounds me. I am usually a bright, and astute person. This was a moment of total moronic drool upon myself idiocy.


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