Tuesday of Fail

My sleep is all jacked up. Apparently I have a bladder that acts as my alarm clock whether it is in reality, time for me to wake up, or not. That wake up time appears to be creeping closer and closer to 3 AM each day. This also marks the, you have had just enough sleep to not be able to lay back down and go back to sleep, line of demarcation.

So I have been awake since roughly 3:30AM. In defiance of my body's defiance, I stayed laying down in bed reading until my duly appointed wake up time as indicated by the ALARM CLOCK I EMPLOY FOR THE PURPOSE OF WAKING MY ASS UP.

I was already tired yesterday so today is going to be a BIG TIRED & CRANKY BALL O' SUCK. This translates to tiny stupid mishaps are going to mount and mount in my reality to ensure I am totally off balance for the entirety of my day.

1) While finished my morning ablutions, I am interrupted by one of my critters dragging her butt across the floor. I scream, she runs, the spouse asks what the problem is, I tell him, and go back to primping. Two minutes later the spouse walks in to inform me that the critter in question has "cling-ons". As this is a two human job to assist in the cleaning, you can just imagine which end I got. Yep. The poop. Needless to say there is not enough soap or hand sanitizer (even with toilet paper between) for me to feel clean again today.

That accomplished and my hands now raw from scrubbing them I reluctantly complete putting my makeup on. I get out the door and on my way, and amazingly I am even on time. It is overcast and drizzly and I think I have left my sunglasses in the car, but should not need them.

2) I get stuck behind a dump truck loaded with gravel and no tarp on it, so I am getting pinged the whole way down the bumpy road leading to the highway.

3) I get on the highway and see two deceased kittens (I have 4 indoor/outdoor cats) which upsets me greatly, and with that depressing revelation I am blinded by the sun which has managed to break through the clouds, and of course I do not have any damn sunglasses in the car. I stop and get some cheap-y sunglasses so I can see and not hurt the sheeple or lemmings on the commute in since they can't decide which team should win today. I don't want to be an undo influence on the outcome of the race you see.

4) I get a breakfast food containing "Country Ham". I have finally met a pork product that I can do without. Ever again.

5) See #3 comment on Sheeple V, Lemmings. On that subject all I can do is repeat a favorite mantra of mine, a) Cruise Control. Use it. Love it.  b) turn signals do not run out of signal fluid, they do not cost extra to have put on the car, there is no special training needed for the use of them. Feel Free to employ the versatility of these little handy dandy items included at no extra charge so you don't have to expend all of that "ahem" extensive brain power on projecting your driving intentions mentally to those around you. Because obviously they must be wearing their tin foil hats and blocking your signal. 

6) Getting off the highway I had to dive onto the shoulder to avoid a 6 car pile up due to someone randomly stopping from 55 to 0 in the exit lane for no apparent reason. We got moving again and were back up to 55 so I am very unclear as to what the original cause for the Brake Parade was.

7) I get to work, go to wash my reusable beverage container, and since we have the smallest sinks on the planet, with huge faucets, on each floor I manage to splash a nice dollop of water out onto my suede shoes.

As I said, a bunch of stupid little items, but they add up to a morning of FAIL. I wish I could have just stayed in bed, because you know, just as it was time for me to begin the routine of primping was about when I started to get sleepy again.


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